splashing是什么意思啊

直译：想象成为一名水手，几百年以前，你

倒装后：想象你自己成为几百年以前的一名水手。

倒装句?

为了强调、突出等语的目的而颠倒原有语序的句式叫做倒装句。在倒装句中，颠倒了的成分可以恢复原位而句意基本不变，句法成分不变。

1文言

主谓倒装

也叫谓语前置或主语后置。古汉语中。谓语的位置也和现代汉语中一样，一般放在主语之后，但有时为了强调和突出谓语的意义，在一些疑问句或感叹句中，就把谓语提前到主语前面。例：甚矣，汝之不惠。全句是“汝之不惠甚矣”。谓语前置，表强调的意味，可译为“你太不聪明 了”

宾语前置

否定句中代词充当宾语、疑问代词充当动词或介词的宾语以及用“之”字或“是”字作为提宾标志时，宾语通常都要前置。

文言文中，动词或介词的宾语，一般放置于动词或介词之后，如下几种情况除外：

①、疑问句中，疑问代词做宾语，宾语前置。这类的句子，介词的宾语也是前置的。

a 介宾倒装 例：“孔文子何以谓之‘文’也？” “何以”是“以何”的倒装，可译为“为什么” 微斯人，吾谁与归 ？“吾谁与归”是“吾与谁归”的倒装，可译为“我和谁同道呢？”

b谓宾倒装 例：何有于我哉？“何有”是“有何”的倒装。古汉语中，疑问代词做宾语时，一般放在谓语的前面。可译为“有哪一样”。孔子云：“何陋之有？” “何陋之有”即“有何陋”的倒装。可译为“有什么简陋呢？”“何”，疑问代词，“之”，助词，无实在意义，在这里是宾语前置的标志。

②、 文言否定句中，代词做宾语，宾语前置。例：僵卧孤村不自哀 “不自哀”是“不哀自”的倒装，可译为“不为自己感到悲哀”。“自”，代词，在否定句中，代词做宾语要前置。另如“忌不自信”，“自信”即“信自”，意相信自己。

③、 用“之”或“是”把宾语提于动词前，以突出强调宾语。这时的“之”只是宾语前置的标志，没有什么实在意义。例："莲之爱，同予者何人？"——“莲之爱”即“爱莲”的倒装，可译为“对于莲花的喜爱”。" 孔子云：“何陋之有?” ——“何陋之有”即“有何陋”的倒装。可译为“有什么简陋呢”。这里的“之”，助词，无实在意义，在这里是宾语前置的标志。

④、 介词“以”的宾语比较活跃，即使不是疑问代词，也可以前置，表示强调。例：是以谓之“文”也。“是以”是“以是”的倒装，可译为“因此”。“是”是指示代词，指代前面的原因。

⑤、 其他，表示强调。万里赴戎机，关山度若飞 “关山度”是“度关山”的倒装。可译为“跨过一道道关，越过一道道山”。

定语后置

古汉语中有时为了突出修饰语，将定语放在中心词之后。

文言文中，定语的位置一般也在中心词前边，但有时为了突出中心词的地位，强调定语所表现的内容，或使语气流畅，往往把定语放在中心词之后。

①、“中心词+后置定语+者” 遂率子孙荷担者三夫 ， “荷担者三夫”是“三夫荷担者”的倒装，定语“三夫”后置，以突出中心词“荷担者”，可译为“三个能挑担子的成年男子”。峰回路转，有亭翼然临于泉上者，醉翁亭也。“亭翼然临于泉上”是“翼然临于泉上亭 ”的倒装，定语后置，可译为“一座像鸟儿张开翅膀一样高踞在泉上的亭子。”

②、 “中心词+之+后置定语+者” 例：予谓菊，花之隐逸者也。“花之隐逸者”是“隐逸之花”的倒装。可译为“具有隐逸气质的花”③、数量词做定语后置 例：尝贻余核舟一，“核舟一”是“一核舟”的倒装，定语“一”后置，可译为“一个核舟”

介宾结构后置

（也叫状语后置）

①、用介词“于”组成的介宾短语在文言文中大都后置，译成现代汉语时，除少数译作补语外，大多数都要移到动词前做状语。例：何有于我哉？ 全句为“于我有何哉”的倒装句，介宾结构“于我”后置。译为“在我身上有哪一样呢”“告之于帝”是“于帝告之”的倒装，介宾结构“于帝”后置，译为“向天帝报告了这件事”躬耕于南阳，苟全性命于乱世，全句为“于南阳躬耕，于乱世苟全性命”的倒装，介宾结构“于南阳、于乱世”后置，可译为“亲自在南阳耕种，在乱世中苟且保全性命”

②、介词“以”组成的介宾短语后置，在今译时，一般都前置做状语。例：屠惧，投以骨。全句为“以骨投之”的倒装，介宾结构“以骨”后置。译为“把骨头扔给它” 为坛而盟，祭以尉首。“祭以尉首”是“以尉首祭”的倒装，介宾结构“以尉首”后置，可译为“用将尉的头来祭祀” 醉能同其乐，醒能述以文者。“述以文”是“以文述”的倒装，介宾结构“以文”后置，可译为“用文字来记述” 愿陛下托臣以讨贼兴复之效 “托臣以讨贼兴复之效”是“以讨贼兴复之效托臣”的倒装，介宾结构“以讨贼兴复之效”后置。

2白话

现代汉语中常见的倒装句有：主语和谓语倒置，定语、状语和中心语倒置。倒装句主要是为了能够强调某一事物。

主谓

主语在前，谓语在后，这是正常的、一般的语序。有时也会颠倒过来，谓语前置，这是最常见的变式句，这种现象常见于疑问句、祈使句和感叹句，谓语和主语之间一般有停顿，书面上用逗号隔开。构成：“谓——主”格。例如：

上哪儿找啊，你？（疑问句）

放心吧，爸爸妈妈！（祈使句）

终于过去了，中国最后一个王朝的统治！（感叹句）

他们已经去上课了。（陈述句）

这往往是为了强调谓语，或者是说话急促而先把重点说出，然后追加主语。主语一般读轻声。

定语状语后置

定语、状语在中心语前，这是正常的、一般的语序。有时也会放到中心语之后。后置的定语、状语限于一些“的”字短语、形容词、副词和介词短语。构成：“中心语——定/状语”格。如：

许多外国人，到中国游历的，都特地赶来观礼这次大婚的盛况。（定语后置，“的”字短语）

农民们，男的女的、老的少的，愁眉苦脸地清理着破烂的东西。（定语后置，“的”字短语）

头上插着许多鲜花，横七竖八的。（定语后置，“的”字短语）

他走上了领奖台，慢慢地，羞怯地。（状语后置，形容词）

她站在哪儿，静静地。（状语后置，形容词）

他醉熏熏地走着，摇摇摆摆地。（状语后置，形容词）

同学们都来了，从祖国的四面八方。（状语后置，介词短语）

他退休了吧，大概。（状语后置副词）

定语、状语后置往往是为了突出它，因而能使句子节奏更明快、更简洁有力，可变长句为短句，有时还可以起到强调、补充作用。

有时要强调状语的中心语，也会把状语放后：“他退休了吧，大概。”

3英语

在现实的语言实践中，由于语法结构的要求，或是由于修辞的需要，往往要改变句子的自然语序，把一些本应置于主语之后的句子成分提到主语之前。我们称这种语序的变化为“倒装语序”这样的倒装语序可能使句子的内在含义产生细微的、甚至明显的改变。只有注意观察引起倒装的原因，才能更准确地理解句子的含义。为了使句子的某成分突出，我们还会使用强调，而倒装语序大多都用于强调。

构成

主语和谓语是句子的核心，它们之间有两种语序

一是主语在谓语之前称为自然语序（Natural Order）；

二是主语在谓语之后则称为倒装语序（Inverted Order）。

而倒装语序中又有完全倒装（Full Inversion）和部分倒装（Partial Inversion）

1.完全倒装（Full Inversion）：又称"全部倒装",是指将句子中的谓语全部置于主语之前。此结构通常只用于一般现在时和一般过去时。

①谓语+主语+……

There be（的各种形式）+主语（+地点或时间状语）

例子：

There was a drop in the temperature.温度下降了

There are birds singing in the tree.鸟儿在树上唱歌。

②副词小品词+谓语动词+名词主语+……

例子：

Out rushed a young lady.

③过去分词或现在分词+be的各种形式+主语+……

例子：

Scattered on the floor were several books and magazines.几本书和杂志散落在地板上

2.部分倒装（Partial Inversion）（又称半倒装句）：指将谓语的一部分如助动词或情态动词倒装至主语之前,而谓语动词无变化。如果句中的谓语没有助动词或情态动词，则需添加助动词do,does或did，并将其置于主语之前。

作用

英语句子的倒装一是由于语法结构的需要而进行的倒装，二是由于修辞的需要而进行的倒装。

前一种情况,倒装是必须的，否则就会出现语法错误；后一种情况，倒装是选择性的，倒装与否只会产生表达效果上的差异。

1.表示强调

倒装句最突出、最常见的修辞效果就是强调，其表现形式如下：

1.only +状语或状语从句置于句首，被该状语修饰的句子用部分倒装。

例子：

Only in this way can you solve this problem.

只有用这种方法，你才可以解决这个问题。

Only after he had spoken out the word did he realize he had made a big mistake.

只有当他已经说出那个字后才意识到自己犯了个大错误。

2. hardly,in no way,little,scarcely,seldom,never,no more,no longer,not,not only,no sooner,not only … (but also),not until… 等具有否定意义的词或词组位于句首，句子用部分倒装。

例子：

No sooner had I got home than it began to rain.

我刚到家就下起了雨。

Seldom do I go to work by bus.

我很少乘公共汽车上班。

Not until twelve o'clock did she go to bed last night .

她昨晚十二点才上床睡觉。

3. so / such...that结构中的so或such位于句首可以构成部分倒装句,表示强调so /such和that之间的部分。

例子：

So unreasonable was his price that everybody startled.

他的要价太离谱，令每个人都瞠目结舌。

To such length did she go in rehearsal that the two actors walked out.

她的彩排进行得那么长，以致于那两个演员都走出去了。

以上各例都用倒装语序突出了句首成分，其语气较自然语序强烈，因而具有极佳的修辞效果。

4.here、there、now、then、thus等副词开头的句子可构成完全倒装。条件是谓语动词是不及物动词，如arise、be、come、exist、go、follow等。需要注意的是，当主语是代词时，不能构成倒装。（方位词在句首，主语是名词，全部倒装）

例子：

Here comes our headmaster。我们的校长来了。

Here it is. 在这里。

Here is your key.这是你的钥匙。

2.承上启下

1.为了避免句子部分内容不必要的重复，常用"so+be动词（助动词、情态动词）+主语"倒装句式或"neither/nor + be动词（助动词、情态动词）+主语"的倒装句式。

其中第一个句式表示"与前面所述的肯定情况相同"，第二个句式表示"与前面所述的否定情况相同"。

例子：

A:His brother is（not） a college student; B:so is mine.(nor is mine .)

A:他弟弟（不）是大学生，B:我弟弟也是。(我弟弟也不是。)

A:He used to have his further study abroad; B:so did I.(neither did I.)

A:他曾去国外深造过。B:我也去过。(我也没有。)

A:One of my friends can（not） speak three foreign languages; B:so can his wife.(neither can his wife .)

A:我的一个朋友(不)会说三门外国语。B:他的妻子也会。(他的妻子也不会。)

可以概括成：主语相同不倒装，主语不同倒装。

2.倒装可把前一句说到的人或物，或与前一句有联系的人或物在下一句紧接着先说出来，从而使前后两句在意思上的关系更加清楚，衔接更加紧密，起到承上启下的作用。

例子：

They broke into her uncle's bedroom and found the man lying on the floor,dead. Around his head was a brown snake.

他们破门进入她叔叔的卧室，发现他躺在地板上死了。一条棕褐色的蛇缠在他头上。

We really should not resent being called paupers. Paupers we are,and paupers we shall remain.

我们确实不应因为被称作穷光蛋而愤愤不平。我们的确是穷光蛋，而且还会继续是穷光蛋。

3.制造悬念渲染气氛

在新闻或文学创作中，有时为了内容的需要，或是为了强调，作者常常运用倒装来制造悬念，渲染气氛。

如朗费罗(Longfellow)《雪花》中的一节：

Out of the bosom of the Air,

Out of the cloud-folds of her garments shaken,

Over the woodlands brown and bare,

Over the harvest-fields forsaken,

Silent,and soft,and slow,

Descends the snow.

它来自天上。

叠叠乌云抖衣裳，

落在光秃秃的棕色树林，

和收割过的孤寂田野上。

静悄悄，不慌张，

绵绵雪花降；

在这一节诗里，诗人就富有创意地运用了倒装。在前五行中，诗人堆砌了七个状语，状语连续出现而主语和谓语却迟迟未露，造成一种悬念效应。全节读罢，读者才对诗歌的主题恍然大悟，因而收到了不同凡响的艺术效果。

4.平衡结构

英语修辞的一个重要原则是尾重原则，即把句子最复杂的成分放在句尾以保持句子平衡。在语言使用中为了避免产生头重脚轻、结构不平衡的句子，我们常采用倒装语序。

1. 以作状语的介词短语开头:当主语较长或主语所带修饰语较长时，为了使句子平衡，常将状语置于句首，句子用完全倒装语序。

例子：

1．A. To the coal mine came a com-pany of PLA soldiers with orders from the headquarters to rescue the trapped miners.

B. A company of PLA soldiers came to the coal mine with orders from the headquarters to rescue the trapped miners.

一个连队的解放军战士来到了那座煤矿，奉司令部之命解救受困的矿工。

2．A. On the ground lay some air conditioners,which are to be shipped to some other cities.

B. Some air conditioners lay on the ground,which are to be shipped to some other cities.

地上放着一些空调，等着用船运到其他城市去。

例句（2）包含一个非限制性定语从句，B句未倒装，则从句的先行词与引导词which中间被状语分隔开，不易于理解，而A句倒装使得先行词air conditioner与引导词which的关系一目了然。

从例句中可看出，采用倒装语序的A句结构平衡稳妥，读起来自然流畅，而采用自然语序的B句结构零乱，读起来也别扭。因而，在主语较长时就应采用倒装语序以取得理想的表达效果。

2. 以表语开头的句子：有时为了把较长的主语放在后面，须将表语和谓语都提到主语前。

例子：

Such would be our home in the future.

我们家就将是这个样子。

3. 以副词here,there开头的句子，也采用完全倒装来保持句子平衡。

例子：

Here is the letter you have been looking forward to.

你盼望已久的信在这儿。

5.使描写生动

有时为了使叙述或描绘更加生动形象，增加语言效果，可将表示方向的副词(如：down,up,out,in,off,on,away等)或拟声词(bang,crack等)置于句首，句子采用全部倒装的语序(主语为人称代词的句子除外)。

例子：

Up went the rocket into the air.

嗖地一声火箭就飞上天了。

Down jumped the criminal from the third floor when the policeman pointed his pistol at him.

当警察把手枪瞄准那个罪犯时，嘭地一下他就从三楼跳了下去。

Boom went the cannon!

轰隆一声大炮开火了!

Bang came another shot!

砰！又是一声枪响！

以上句子简洁明快，生动逼真地描述了有关动作，令我们一览此类倒装的风采。但这种倒装句的修辞功能在语段中可以体现得更为清楚。

“Stop thief! Stop thief!” There is a magic cry in the sound. The tradesman leaves his counter,... Away they run,pell—mell,helter—skelter,yelling—screaming,...

“Stop thief ! Stop thief !” The cry is taking by a hundred voices,... Away they fly,splashing through the mud,up go the window,out run the people. ( Dickens )

作者在第一段和第二段中分别用副词away,up和out位于句首引出四个倒装句Away they run,Away they fly,up go the window,out run the people。从而制造出一种紧张、急促的气氛，生动地刻画了一个紧张、混乱的捉贼场面。

倒装是英语中一个重要的修辞手段。倒装句的使用丰富了我们的语言表达，了解并掌握倒装句各种句式的用法，不仅会提高我们对英语语言的欣赏能力，对英语表达能力的提高也将大有裨益。因此，写作中适当用一些倒装句式定会使文章表达更生动、有力。

帮帮我找些特别好笑的英文笑话，有翻译啊。一定要爆笑的那种，短的

翻译：雨前 (何其芳)

Preludes to Rainfall translate:alexcwlin/edit: adam.L

最后的鸽群带着低弱的笛声在微风里划一个圈子后，也消失了。

The last flight of pigeons circled around once in the gentle wind with a faint swishing sound and then disappeared.

也许是误认这灰暗的凄冷的天空为夜色的来袭或是也预感到风雨的将至，遂过早地飞回它们温暖的木舍。

Perhaps they mistook the gray gloomy sky as nightfall or they sensed the coming of a storm. As such, they flew back to their warm cozy wooden-coops prematurely.

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几天的阳光在柳条上撤下的一抹嫩绿，被尘土埋掩得有憔悴色了，是需要一次洗涤。

A few days of sunshine sprinkled willow twigs with lime-green shoots which, at present, looked rather lifeless for being smudged with dust. A wash would be in order.

还有干裂的大地和树根也早已期待着雨。雨却迟疑着。

Also the drought-cracked earth and tree-roots were thirsty for rain, but rain was slow to come.

*********************************************

我怀想着故乡的雷声和雨声。那隆隆的有力的搏击，从山谷反响到山谷，仿佛春之芽就从冻土里震动，惊醒，而怒茁出来。

I thought about the sounds of thunder and rain in my hometown. The roar of those lightning-bolts echoing from valley to valley seemingly jolted the new growth of spring from its sleep and burst out of the frozen ground.

细草样柔的雨丝又以温存之手抚摸它，使它簇生油绿的枝叶而开出红色的花。

It was nurtured by light drizzle’s soft-as-new-grass hands and spurt into an outgrowth of greenish branches/leaves and red flowers.

这些怀想如乡愁一样萦绕得使我忧郁了。

Thesefond memories resembled nostalgia about home and triggered lingeringmelancholy.

我心里的气候也和这北方大陆一样缺少雨量，一滴温柔的泪在我枯涩的眼里，如迟疑在这阴沉的天空里的雨点，久不落下。

My state of mind was just like the rain-deprived land of the north, with a tender teardrop welled in my arid eyes much like raindrops in the gloomy sky that hesitated to fall.

*********************************************

白色的鸭也似有一点烦躁了，有不洁的颜色的都市的河沟里传出它们焦急的叫声。

The snow-white ducks seemingly were getting restless, and their exasperated quacks could be heard coming from the pollution-tinged stream of the city.

有的还未厌倦那船一样的徐徐的划行。

Some of them had not been tired out and paddled leisurely along like boats.

有的却倒插它们的长颈在水里，红色的蹼趾伸在尾后，不停地扑击着水以支持身体的平衡。

Some others plunged with their long necks first into the water; their red webbed feet were reaching out behind their tails while their wings were splashing nonstop to maintain balance.

不知是在寻找沟底的细微食物，还是贪那深深的水里的寒冷。

I wouldn’t know whether they were looking for tidbits of food at the bottom of the stream or enjoying the chilling cold deep down in the water.

*********************************************

有几个已上岸了。在柳树下来回地作绅士的散步，舒息划行的疲劳。

Several of them had come onshore and strolled around under the willow trees in gentleman-like gait to stretch a little from weariness.

然后参差地站着，用嘴细细地抚理它们遍体白色的羽毛，间或又摇动身子或扑展着阔翅，使那缀在羽毛间的水珠坠落。

Then they scattered around on their feet and preened carefully at their white feathers all over their bodies. At times they shook their bodies or flapped their wings to shed water-drops trapped between their feathers.

一个已修饰完毕的，弯曲它的颈到背上，长长的红嘴藏没在翅膀里，静静合上它白色的茸毛间的小黑眼，仿佛准备睡眠。可怜的小动物，你就是这样做你的梦吗?

One which had finished grooming curled its neck to the back, buried it long beak inside the wings, closed its little eyes behind down feather, and looked like it was ready to go to sleep. Poor little creature! Would that be your way of going into dreams?

*********************************************

我想起故乡放雏鸭的人了。一大群鹅**的雏鸭游牧在溪流间。清浅的水，两岸青青的草，一根长长的竹竿在牧人的手里。

And then I recalled the duckling-breeders in my hometown. I could still remember a raft of ducklings swimming in the brooks where the water was shallow, both sides of the shores were green with grass, and a duck-herder was holding a long bamboo pole in hand.

他的小队伍是多么欢欣地发出啾啁声，又多么驯服地随着他的竿头越过一个田野又一个山坡!夜来了，帐幕似的竹篷撑在地上，就是他的家。

The army of little ducklings were gleefully cheeping away and obediently followed the herder’s pole passing through a field and a hillside. When night fell, their home was a makeshift bamboo tent-like shelter.

但这是怎样辽远的想象啊!在这多尘土的国度里，我仅只希望听见一点树叶上的雨声。

But how remote would a vision be that in the midst of this dusty country I could hear my coveted sound of raindrops falling on foliage?

一点雨声的幽凉滴到我憔悴的梦，也许会长成一树圆圆的绿阴来覆荫我自己。

Maybe the sound of these raindrops would chill the weariness of my dreaming, and fostered the growth of round-shaped trees which shades could harbour me.

*********************************************

我仰起头。天空低垂如灰色雾幕，落下一些寒冷的碎屑到我脸上。

I looked up and the low overcast was much like a curtain of gray fog peppering some nippiness onto my face.

一只远来的鹰隼仿佛带着愤怒，对这沉重的天色的愤怒，平张的双翅不动地从天空斜插下，几乎触到河沟对岸的土阜，而又鼓扑着双翅，作出猛烈的声响腾上了。

A hawk from afar seemingly protested the heavy weather in rage and swooped down at an angle with its steady outstretched wings until it almost touched a mound on the other side of the river. Then it flapped its wings noisily and rigorously in soaring skyward.

那样巨大的翅使我惊异。我看见了它两胁间斑白的羽毛。

I was surprised at the enormous size of its wings, and I saw the gray feathers at its underarms.

接着听见了它有力的鸣声，如同一个巨大的心的呼号，或是在黑暗里寻找伴侣的叫唤。

Then I heard its mighty cry much like a shout-out from a gigantic heart or a mate’s call in the dark.

然而雨还是没有来。

And yet there was still no rain.

*********************************************

A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"

"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”

“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”

“她是个卖糖果的。”

Nest and Hair

My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom.

"What kind of bird?" my sister asked.

"I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child.

"Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her .

"Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "

Notes:

(1) inform v.告诉

(2) nest n.窝；巢

(3) description n.描述

(4) encourage v.鼓励

(5) resemble v. 相似；类似

18.鸟窝与头发

我姐姐是一位小学老师。一次一个学生告诉她说一只鸟儿在教室外 的树上垒了个窝。

“是什么鸟呢？”我姐姐问她。

“我没看到鸟儿，老师，只看到鸟窝。”那孩子回答说。

“那么，你能给我们描述一下这个鸟巢吗？”我姐姐鼓励她道。

“哦，老师，就像你的头发一样。”

I've Just Bitten My Tongue

"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.

"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"

"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "

Notes:

(1) poisonous adj.有毒的

(2) Cause I've just bitten my tongue 因为我刚咬了自己的舌头。 句中 Cause 是 Because 的缩略形式。

我刚咬破自己的舌头

“我们有毒吗？”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。

“是的，亲爱的，”她回答说，“你问这个干什么？”

“因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。”

A Woman Who Fell

It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?"

摔倒的女人

上下班高峰期，我匆匆奔向纽约豪华中心站去赶一趟火车。接近门口，一位肥胖的中年妇女从后面冲过来，没想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了脚，仰面滑倒了。她的惯性使她接近了我的脚。我正准备扶她，她却自己爬了起来。她镇定了一下，对我挤了一下眉，说道：“总是有漂亮女人拜倒在你脚下吗？”

英语笑话（一）

Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?

A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.

猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤，而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。这个答案很有意思吧？

Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?

A: By treading on his corn?

如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物，他肯定会生气的；而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼，他会更生气。Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”，也有“鸡眼”的意思。

Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?

A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.

因为snail（蜗牛）的后背上总是背着一所房子，所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的。你说呢？

Q: What do people do in a clock factory?

A: They make faces all day.

一看到make faces这个短语，你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀！因为除了这个意思以外，它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面。

Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?

A: Keep him awake.

怎样才能不让梦游者（sleepwalker）梦游（walk in his sleep）呢？最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉。虽然这不是治疗方法，但如果让梦游者醒着呢，他的确就不会去梦游了。

英语笑话（二）

He is really somebody

-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.

-- He is really somebody. What does he do?

-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.

他真是一个大人物

-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。

-- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？

-- 墓地守墓人。

英语笑话（三）

Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.

At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."

它们是从美国直接带来的

一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。

这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。”

英语笑话（四）my little dog can't read

Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!

Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!

Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.

我的狗不识字

布朗夫人：哦，

亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！

史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！

布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。”

英语笑话（五）Bring me the winner

-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.

-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.

-- Well, bring me the winner then.

给我那个打赢的吧

-- 服务员，

这个龙虾只有一只爪。

-- 对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。

-- 哦， 那给我那个打赢的吧。

英语笑话（六）The mean man's party.

The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."

"Why use my elbow and foot?"

"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?"

吝啬鬼请客

一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。”

“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？”

“你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧？”吝啬鬼回答。

英语笑话（七）Advice for "Kid"

A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,"Get the kid."

忠告“年轻者”

这里想对将要退休者提一点忠告。如果你只有65岁的话，

千万别进退休社区。因为那里人人都七八十岁或者八九十岁了。每当要搬东西，抬东西或者装东西时，他们就叫喊，“让小的干吧。”

英语笑话（八）Which woman?

One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall.

On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out."The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield."

My husband looked up and said, "Mom's here?"

哪一位女人？

一天晚上我开着丈夫的车去购物，回来后发现车身沾满灰尘，于是擦洗了一阵。当我终于走进屋里时大声喊：“世界上最爱你的女人刚擦洗了你的车灯和挡风玻璃。”

我丈夫抬头看了看，说：“妈妈来了？”

英语笑话（九）The doctor lives downstairs

"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."

He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."

医生住在楼下

“医生”她冲进屋后大声说道。

“我想让你坦率地说我到底得了什么病。”

他从头到脚打量打量她，然后大声说：“太太，我有三件事要对你说。第一，您的体重需要减少大约50磅；第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口红，您的美貌将会改变。第三，我是一位画家——医生住在楼下。”

英语笑话（十）One Engine Left

A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r esult."

Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late."

At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"

只剩一个引擎

一架747客机正在跨越大西洋时，喇叭里传来了机长的声音：“旅客们请注意，我们的四个引擎中有一个丢失了。但剩下的三个引擎会把我们带到伦敦的。只是我们要因此晚到一小时 。” 过了一会儿，旅客们又听到机长的声音：“各位，你们猜怎么啦？我们刚又掉了第三个引擎。但请你们相信好了。只有一个引擎我们也能飞，但要晚三个小时了。” 正在这时，一位乘客非常气愤地说：“看在上帝的份上，如果我们再掉一个引擎，我们就要整夜都要呆在天上了。”

回答者：lovemydream - 高级经理 七级 7-5 10:08

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Logic Reasoning 逻辑推理

A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic.

"Here is the situation," she said. "a man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yellin

g for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"

A girl raised her hand and asked, "to draw out all of his savings?"

逻辑推理

小学四年级的教师正在给学生们上一堂逻辑课。她举了这么一个例子：“有这样一种情况，一个男人在河中心的船上钓鱼，突然失去重心掉进了水里。于是他开始挣扎并喊救命。他的妻子听到了他的喊声，知道他并不会游泳，所以她就急忙跑向河岸。谁能告诉我这是为什么？” 一个女生举手答道，“是不是去取他的存款？”

[注]bank在英语中除了我们平时很熟悉的“银行”之外，还有“河岸”的意思。

Have You Ceased Beating Your Wife？你停止打你老婆了吗?

This story is told of a browbeating counsel，who habitually endeavored to terrorize his opponent‘s witnesses．

One witness rather tended to preface his replies with lengthy explanations．

“I want‘yes’or‘no，’”thundered counsel．“There is no need for you to argue the point！”

“But there are some questions which cannot be answered by‘yes’or‘no，’”mildly responded the witness．

“There are not！” snapped the lawyer．

“Oh，” said the witness，“answer this then：“Have you ceased beating your wife？”

这个故事讲的是一个咄咄逼人的辩护律师，他惯于尽量去恐吓对方的证人。

有一个证人有点倾向于在回答问题之前做冗长的解释。

“我要你回答‘是’或者‘不是’，”辩护律师怒喝道： “你没有必要就这个问题进行争论。”

“可是有些问题无法用‘是’或者‘不是’来回答。”这位证人温和地回敬他。

“不存在这样的问题！”律师厉声打断他。

“噢，”证人说：“那么请你回答这个问题：“你停止打你老婆了吗？”

Two Birds

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

Teacher: Please tell us.

Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

两只鸟

老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？

学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。

老师：请说说看。

学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"

"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.

鱼网

"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？" 老师发问道。

"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。" 小女孩回答道。

昨天夜里我爸妈表演“混合双打”

Teacher of Physical Education: Have you ever seen mixed doubles，boys？

体育老师：孩子们，你们见过男女混合双打吗？

Nick: Yes，sir. Quite of ten. I saw it even last night.

尼克：见过，老师，经常见。就在昨天夜里我还见过呢！

Teacher: Please tell us some thing about it.

老师：那你给大家讲讲当时的情形吧。

Nick: Oh，sorry，sir. My father always says, "Domestic shame should not be published.”

尼克：啊，对不起，老师。我爸爸常说:“家丑不可外扬。”(